8

Yesterday was 8 months since Kirstin's death. I still find myself questioning the sense of it all. I know she is at peace, but I still can't shake the question, not of: 'Why?', because we all have to die, but 'Why then?' There really seem to be no answers - or any that I can understand. When so many people seem to live oblivious and unexamined lives, and she sought to discover life and its meaning with such ferocity, she seemed more 'worthy' of this life than many who are granted longer lives - and I include myself in that. 'Worthy' in the sense that she really lived. The priest at her funeral, Fr Robert Bissel, was absolutely correct when he remarked that if we are people of faith – ultimately we won’t need answers, but if we are people without faith – no answer will ever be enough.
I always seem to be waiting for my faith to catch up with my conviction / intellectual assent - if that makes any sense. If I was really holy, it would be the other way around. Anyway.